my poems are deep judge it if you can understand it

[DoGtown-native-solider]

On probation for drugs and inebriation
Slowing my mind wit distorted visions of filtered fried fish and cartloads of water melons
Swinging on the varies souls I can’t kill my whon say the solider but soon he’s falling 1 by 1 2 by and 3 by 3 killing us slowly say the mad hatter with my soul about to shatter
As I sit and cry alone,
Ice drops faster then a bullet you sweet rocks on pinjlums of death and decay
And recreate our lives backward,
I’ve done time; time and time again as blood drop and drip off of a body that’s no longer there,
Iam the son of ociris put on your sun glasses im to hot for water boiling over sea with so many people
Dyeing for me
But why?
You ignore the truth fear holds you down like cinder
As you sink lower and lower in to the water but still breathing
You a freak disaster held down by
Your own actions
Think fist there’s no later reaction

[Malicious Intent]

its was a gud drop could of spent a bit more time sorting out the flow and that but nevertheless was a good drop

[Decguin]

flow doesnt MATTER IN POETRY!!! AHHHHHH! *calms down* nope... EAZY T GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE POETRY SECTION YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT TRUE POETRY IS IF YOU THINK IT HAS TO FLOW!!!! GOD DAMN!!!

ok.. better..

it's a little hard to understand not because its complex but because you didnt describe anything really you had a few lines that would be a nice set in a poem but it didnt feel very poetry to me.. it felt more like Easy T's drop of IF I which is verse/keystyle kinda thing...

[DoGtown-native-solider]

thanks for the advice
my influence was saul willums i don't know if you ever hurd of him but
he was one of the best

[LowRider]

I definately like this, although i think it could potentially be made into a nice track, rather than poetry. Its got an element about it that could take it to a next step, rather than just spoken words. Regardless, nice job man keep doing your thing,

[DoGtown-native-solider]

as i lurn new things wit a cold heart
im drowing in riches but it's not enough.
my greed causes my whon Suffering
as i hurt those who apose me it's not enough,
i can cry and cry again and agian it'll never ease the pain it's not enough.
On probation for things that i should have never done takeing my anger out on a little boy but it's not enough.
useless to my self me enemys know this so im am week but still fighting it's not enough.

i will keep fighting as a solider i will never give up the fight
when will it be enough

tell me if it's better i work all nigh on this one

[LowRider]

^ I dont feel that verse was better. It lost the mysteriousness to it, not been too critical but it was typical rhyming, rather than...

"Ice drops faster then a bullet you sweet rocks on pinjlums of death and decay
And recreate our lives backward,"

Feel me?

[Malicious Intent]

allright decquin dnt bloody cry if ur so much into poetry why dnt u go off to a poetry website jesus

[Stu]

Decayed, you wanna be mod of here?
I need to ask you a favour anyway man.
I agree with Decayed sadly.
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