"Untitle'd(Ring Da Bell)"

[Da Alpha Male]

So use to all this pain, that now I fiend for the agony
nightmares of the crazy shit I've seen,
searching for the means to cling to my sanity
In the back of a mind full of low self-esteem
...yet I'm sureen in my vanity
Feeling like fuck-it, not just another crab a the bucket
...but a peasant with a King's mantality
Still a child of my dreams, but a product of reality
Sick of this scene, stuck in-between, a living fatality
Always upset, some take it for mean..story's locked away in its chest
Emotion dry and unseen, face full of anger and stress
Aching for this weight to drop away from my chest
Can only confess and express when I hear a beat to recite
sometimes feeling like I have a personal misunderstanding with Christ
On-lookers criticize saying: live good stand up for what's right
But this world isn't nice, so fuck you if you can't understand my plight
We dwell in a realm of darkness searching for light.....
not too bright, DIM-wittedly walking with candles thinking its night
so I'll make the foolish-scape ignite, illuminate this life throught mics
And if I have to stand alone, pursuing the throne, billions I'll fight
Praying to God with every swing I bring Hell, so keep ringing the BELL!!

critiques will be appreciate'd...feedback quickly

[Stu]

Not bad poem man.
Some nice lines there, and I can see the emotion.
Try and up your vocab and description.
One

[Da Alpha Male]

no doubt, jus dabblin..didn't want it 2 be a verse so i wrote as spoken word...thanx 4 da feedback

[lyrical_impak]

yeah hum if your goint to write a poem please write it in proper english. poems are litterature. not music. therefore literature should be written in proper english. get it?

otherwise its allrite. some nice ideas goin there. soem good lines. nice to see your not using the "common" rhyming sheme.

keep doing this.

[Da Alpha Male]

Oh OK..seein whatcha mean..yeah, new to this poetry-side of rhyme..so ur critique is appreciate'd

[Da Alpha Male]

~float!~