~Brothers in blood alone~

[Kruwl aKa Isodope]

http://www.hip-hopkings.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2193

This was originally going to be done on audio, but i sound like a twit. So here is the text version. Its a story of blood brothers.

This is a grimy tale, of families who fail to adhere to themselves
Conflicts that raised hell, in households who knew all to well
They needed help, even pleaded with schools to bend rules to keep kids outa jail
Welfare left them lost, their benefits rose so they couldn’t cover the cost
The money lifted like honey outa pots, their government left them to rot
The states the only welfare we got, an their healthcare is about to be stopped
The sons lifted shops; they glared at cops and shared in brandy shots
By 21, the madness from youth had run, straight through the roof
One bought a gun, while the other was stunned, the mum couldn’t believe what happened to her son

His bro who wanted to get even, called up his boys to start cleaving
Walks into a bank, and lets be frank, till someone sank he wasn’t leaving
Women screaming as shells fired walls were bleeding he was dreaming
He awakes to find his mind blinded by pride but deep inside his feelings lied
He tried to hide the fact he had cried for his brother who was tried and left to die
He decided that fact was he couldn’t stand by so he got his brother out on the sly

It happened so fast the doors busted in and the cannons threw full blast
It was maddening the fact that the twos plans crashed as men entered with masks
They got caught with stacks of cash n three keys of crack n hash
Broke their stash n looted their flat till they found a picture of their past
‘Chief I know this man’ we locked him up for possession of arms
‘Now he is carrying grams, book him in for the terms’ but he stayed calm
Palm sweat slicked and brow wet dripped pushed the cop so he tripped
Chipped his tooth pulled out batons but he gave em the boot an kicked
Some sense into dense cops who gave him false pretence n tried to break his legs
So he upped an fled, now he’s in the west end making big deals inflation gave him a big head
His brother born n bred they shared the same bed was left blood red from blood shed
They say blood brothers die at the same time, he was gunned in his prime
And with that I run to the light at the end of my rhyme…

[Stu]

Nice man im feeling it. Stepped your game up from last time.
Good storytellin and flow all over.
Nice structure.
Could have used more complex rhymes and multis.
Also, should have had more punchlines, cause I know your a battler.
Nice drop though man.
Stay up.
One

[LowRider]

Aight you definately stepped here no doubt about that, in all areas it looks like...

Verse 1

The flow is phat, the lines are a little long but if it was originally created for audio it could sound dope. The vocab is aight, good use of description in the verse. Only thing you lacking is clear multis, you got nice rhyming but multis would have stood out and made it better.

Verse 2

Nice rhyming was definately rhe good point of this bit, short verse so you had to get it good which you did. Good description again your choice of words were good. Just had to make it a bit longer to keep the consistancy up, maybe shorten the lines a little?

Verse 3

Probably the best verse which is hard to do, most people go off the rails throughout the track but you got better, suits the track really with the excitement building as the track progresses. Good vocab and rhyming, multis almost there, just perfect them and you sorted.

[DoubleH]

yo man thats a dope spit u got there its got a good flow to it and some ill rhymes

9/10

keep tha work up man

~pz~

[Kruwl aKa Isodope]

thanks all for the feed