Poetic Justice (Kruwl N Rummy CoLLaB)

[Kruwl aKa Isodope]

http://www.hip-hopkings.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=3982

The setting is a couple (Man {Kruwl} is bold & Woman {Rummy} is italic). They are constantly arguing about stupid things. They have just entered a restaurant and sat down to eat.

your ignorance drives you insane
stop holding it in, just let it out

Damnit I just bought that dress stop making a mess//
I must confess her voice puts me to the test//

your too blind to see my point of views
everything with you is a one sided wall

My heart is vexed while she is never impressed//
I would give her my best an she would yell next//

you cant make your point by raising your voice
lower your tone, i can hear just fine

Forget this dinner girl, your no longer my world//
Cared more for straightened hair, so u left me curled//

*Get into the car*
still you can't let it go
get over it, no need to fuss about it

Who do you think you are? I paid for this car//
Gave you jewels n broke rules, to make u a star//

your childish ways gets the best of you
when will you ever grow up

Our relationship never got far, it hit the rocks//
Damn it girl you’re a hurly bird who only mocks//

no need to keep picking at it
its time for you just to deal with it

We strained from day to day, but held it together//
Tempers frayed different ways, it was now or never//

things can't be changed its the past now
learn from your mistake and move on

Whatever weather, you used to be my ray of light//
Clouds gather, every night we would argue and fight//

you seeked my adive but didn't listen
no need to try to blame me for your mistakes

You don’t love me you only love the money//
You were the queen bee, and I used to be your honey//

time for you to grow up
accept your responsiblities as an adult

I had long hours and was awoken by cold showers//
Love collapsed in half from the falling of the twin towers//

time for you to grow up
accept your responsiblities as an adult

You couldn’t say sorry, don’t worry neither could I//
Even if life is low at times you never really want to die//

*Car swerves on the road and crashes into a tree. His subconscious kicks in*
stop trying to blame others
when your the one to blame

Jesus Christ! What have I done, I can see the light//
My life had only begun, she was meant to be my wife//

time to calm down, stop driving crazy
going faster aint going to slove anything

Yea we argued and rows ensued, but never did we leave//
Maybe I was just far too rude, but now I cant believe//

you couldnt resist your childish ways
now look at what you did

My time with her is limited, bought a new house//
We never even christened it, now we both lose out//

instead of only ruining your life
you hurted both of us

Never plucked up the strength I meant to say the word love//
Times a limited length so I repent to meet in the heavens above//

see what hapens when your
let your ignorance get the best of you

[Stu]

Personally, Im not feeling this.
It is very difficult to makes these kind of songs over the net, and even harder to make them good in text.
It seems to me, they were just wrote, then put together afterwards.
Seems like Chick is talking to Kruwl, and Kruwl tends to talk to himself at times.
Nice attempt, but im not feeling it.
One

[Jay2c]

im not feeling this as text but maybe audio would sound better. maybe have kruwl making more direct lines towards chick rummy maybe i dunno ive never seen this before.

great concept i gotta say.

[Cap G]

THis is definetly a good peice... but.... its not the kind of thing you can text You really have todo it in audio

[chick rummy]

aight.. anymore feedback?

[Emcee Sake]

Really a duet like that especially only read and not heard with a beat sounds kind of stale. As far as most writing goes if it isn't delivered fast it jsut doesnt sound right unless you actually hear it, good rhymes none the less

[D.s.G.]

Yall have to realize thats what it is...text...nothing more, nothing less, knahmean...

I read it thoroughly and really IMO, I was feeling it...Although Kruwl's lyrics wasnt jaw dropping, it fitted kinda well into the concept and that made up for the lyrical department...Yeah at times, it seemed he was talking to himself...BUT...if you read the girl's comment calling him "childish" I think that is what Kruwl met to do being the immature one, talk foolishly and too himself, Yeah, I was feeling this one, more poetry than rap but In my eyes a top contender, some mistakes (structure coulda been better. yall coulda did like 4 verses that consisted of 8 lines) but it was kinda nice...

8/10

[ThE LyRiCaL PrOpHiT]

yo im feelin this yall gotta admit hook this up wit a dope beat an throw in a few "kanye punchs" dang man this would be knockin

[chick rummy]

aight.. ya'll thanks for da feedback.