did i waste my life

[Duble Em]

a got no regrets no worries and can get threw the drama
stay close to ma brother help support ma mother
coz ma father he still around but his money cant do shit now
am all grown step daddy trying 2 take me as his own
but a wont let him push him away
not no all he want 2 do is help feed me and protect me
but am ma own man try 2 make it on ma own
not working and starting 2 lose every thing
ma girl ma life were it go spen all my youth helping
ma mum refecting ma step father telling ma littel bro 2 liv
now a want to go bak bak to the days when we be young and
free no more unabel cant liv agen had one chance did i lose it
is it reall gone was it ma father or was it my fault should i
be held responsible for this shit did i lose it is it really all
gone if so were it all go and now were can a go

[LowRider]

Need a feedback link...

[Tha Arkitekt]

umm i wasnt rally feelin it and all nice tryna get deep wit it but it didnt workt hat much bruh keep up at it thouhg maynn i see u got poetential to do it~1~

[Duble Em]

thanks 4 the ingurgment and help man

[Stu]

Nah I wasnt feeling it either, nice attempt on the topical level.
You need more aspects of writing and go deeper in your lyrics.
One

[Duble Em]

kool a here u

[LowRider]

Need a feedback link...

My bad no link is needed..

You need to make sure the basics are covered man, the rhyming was kinda sloppy on this, it could have been better i think you know it. Write in proper English, its a lot easier to read and improves your flow..
Just keep working on more complex writing, keep thinking of different multis and wordplay you could use.

[Emcee Sake]

hey man i think i felt this a little more cuz I can relate man had some poetic stuff but the flow seemed to be off, try tightening your lines up a little, try rewriting that same one but make it better cuz i'd like to see it improved for sure though

[Duble Em]

am working on it man should have it soon

[Duble Em]

a got no regrets no worrise aint niva bak
down from the drama
stay close to ma brother help support ma mother
ma father he still around but his money no good
am all grown now step daddy wants to take
me in as his own but a wont let keep pushing away
but all the tim all he want is to help me feed me
protect me but am trying to be ma own man
hav to mak it on ma own but the shit aint
working now am starting to lose every thing
ma gir ma life it gone spent all ma youth
helping ma mum rejecting ma step father
protecting ma brotherwanting him
to hav the life a aint niva had
now a want to go bak bak to the days
were we be young and free
no more worries and can just leav the
missaray
but a can go bak now
its reall now no second chance need
to be a man but but deep in side am
just a littel kid lost screaming for his
daddy but daddy gone and a got no way to hold
on am sliping how do a go on
just a littel kid lost in this war in the street itsova

[RipStyle]

man, its better, nice stuff keep it up
i liked your extensions
One

[LowRider]

Just try to structure your bars a little, that will improve the flow.
You can step up mayne i know it, get some complexity bro and make the next one ill.

[Stu]

It is better like Rip said.
Just work on your flow and get a lil more complex and depth.
One

[Duble Em]

thanks yalll