LowRider - Killer Waves

[LowRider]

http://www.hip-hopkings.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=734

I only got an opening, but i just want a little feedback to see if im going in the right direction, check the multis ;)

The Indonesian oceans, were borders of motionless coasts /
Orders from Somali this Tsunami has woken the ghosts.
The Gods have spoken, news has broken the worst /
Satan was token, theres no potion to this curse.
Reversing the time, before the body count inclined /
This crime has been defined as the evil of this kind.
Oblivious and blind to the early warning signs /
Early morning cries from the mourning girls and guys.

[Stu]

Dope man, good rhyming and hot vocab. Looks good so far.

[wReCkLeSs321]

That's hot. The multi's and flow are hot and I like the message you were rappin about.

[Emcee Sake]

some pretty sick true to life shit my man i hope to see some more rhymes from you

[LowRider]

Aight i added a little more, need more advice..

Intro!

Rest In Peace, the victims of the South East Asian disaster. The world shares your pain.
Let’s cease this disease, global unity is what we must master. Your loss in nobody else’s gain.

Verse 1!

The Indonesian oceans, were borders of motionless coasts /
Orders from Somali this Tsunami has woken the ghosts.
The Gods have spoken, news has broken the worst /
Satan was token, there’s no potion to this curse.
Reversing the time, before the body count inclined /
This crime has been defined as the evil of this kind.
Oblivious and blind to the early warning signs /
Early morning cries from the mourning girls and guys.
The lows and the highs are met with the blows of the tides /
Shows that pride means nothing when nobody survives.
Nobody riding by, aid is falling out of the sky /
From the American Air Force, a tear shines in their eye.

Now im thinkin of doing a Nas - One Mic style, where he got a good flow all the way through, but totally rips it at the end of each verse.
What sort of music/beat/style you think i should go with this?
Much props for feedback.
One1

[Kruwl aKa Isodope]

dope with a capital D

[Chukk Brown]

Intro!

Rest In Peace, the victims of the South East Asian disaster. The world shares your pain.
Let’s cease this disease, global unity is what we must master. Your loss in nobody else’s gain.

THAT WAS DOPE RIGHT THERE



Early morning cries from the mourning girls and guys.
The lows and the highs are met with the blows of the tides /
Shows that pride means nothing when nobody survives.

THIS PART HAD ME THANKIN A LITTLE BIT. GOOD MEANING.

OVERALL= SICK PEACE KIDD
nice multies and creativity. good concept.
aight vocab. keep em coming and ill be sure to give feedback.
HOLLA

[Stu]

That was dope man, fo'real tight flow and vocab. Good rhyming a message.
I seen the multis in there too son, nice one.
One

[LowRider]

First verse finally completed! Im quite happy with it, sorry its taking so long, i want this to be as near perfect as i can....

Intro!

Rest In Peace, the victims of the South East Asian disaster. The world shares your pain.
Let’s cease this disease, global unity is what we must master. Your loss in nobody else’s gain.

Verse 1!

The Indonesian oceans, were borders of motionless coasts /
Orders from Somali this Tsunami has woken the ghosts.
The Gods have spoken, news has broken the worst /
Satan was token, there’s no potion to this curse.
Reversing the time, before the body count inclined /
This crime has been defined as the evil of this kind.
Oblivious and blind to the early warning signs /
Early morning cries from the mourning girls and guys.
The lows and the highs are met with the blows of the tides /
Shows that pride means nothing when nobody survives.
Nobody riding by, aid is falling out of the sky /
From the English pilots, a tear shines in their eye.
A year blindly goes by, for this global enterprise /
We suddenly realise the earth is a world franchise.
Exercising the laws that God made us abide /
But every time we collide, another person dies.

[Stu]

Okay, like I said on MSN.
You need to elaborate on some lines a lil.
Good rhymes and multis.
Nice message and thought in this drop.
Feeling it.
One