LOST LOVE EVERYONE READ THIS PLEASE

[ThE LyRiCaL PrOpHiT]

yo heres a lil love story for yall check it love aint my thing tho.....

yo i told myself l.o.v.e would never find me/
blinded by the wealth i walk so blindly/
i do it all by myself but there no time b/
for her so i need help cuz shes mine b/
feel almost like i threw her away/
she said i blew,but still either way/
im sittin here thinkin bout her/
she started drinkin im startin to doubt to her/
without her,i feel so lonely/
started not to care lookin kinda homely/
feel me life aint fair,if the way she would of shown me/
then maybe i wouldnt be here right now/
tellin yall bout this lost love but ight how/
am i supposed to get her back/
i threw way my toast an was a ghost to my tracks/
i almost gave up my dream for my girl/
almost left my team,an left my world/
just so i could call her mine/
i was on the ball movin faster than a drop of a dime/
but still she decided to stay/
so my sadness i writed until the day/
she takes me back/
cuz she know were my shakes be at/

YO leave replies about it what i should change in it thanks

[LowRider]

Same as before you need a link, read the rules mayne.

[ThE LyRiCaL PrOpHiT]

http://hip-hopkings.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=749

[LowRider]

Nice concept, the flow was good and you stuck to the point and used some good descriptive words. Its hard to be complex in a drop like this, so you gotta make sure your flow, rhyming and topic is all spot on. Could use better vocab to describe the feelings etc. But it aint bad all together man.

[ThE LyRiCaL PrOpHiT]

cool cool thanks

[Stu]

This was better, just work on your flow and rhyming. Need to step up vocab and descriptive language too.
Nice drop.
One

[chick rummy]

yeah it was good.. i agree with them... work on ur vocab, and ur flow.

[DoGtown-native-solider]

i think that it could be made in to a good track if you fix some things but what do i know keep writeing it's good

[Mystro]

you need to work on switching up your vocab and language, but i think this would sound better on audio. overall the lyrics were there

[DNA]

It's a good piece, but it doesn't flow well in some places....good drop though...